Thirty-five, and doing just fine

Today is my birthday. I am 35 today. I feel no older than 25. True, my back is a little stiff (bouncing nights on a big ball to put Saskia asleep), but I still got my energy and my desire to create all sorts of shenanigans. I think of my father at this age and how much older he was than I am. He seemed like an adult. I don't feel like that. I play video games, I collect baseball cards, and I love creating voices and characters for tele-marketers. I love seeing goofy movies and I prefer not listening to political diatribes. I don't feel like a high school kid, but I do feel like a junior in college, before that intense senior pressure of "What's next?!?!?!?"

I woke up this morning with praise on my lips, thanking God for life, for being a part of this great, naughty dance. It is true, when I was younger I thought much of my own demise, for I was certain that I would not make it past 25; not because of some suicidal fantasy, but I believed that whatever I was supposed to do would be life-threatening. Who knows what will happen in the future, but for now, I am alive and thankful; breathing and aware; hungry and vivacious. I thank God and the beauty of life (even in its terrible motion) for this day, for this moment. I am 10 years past 25 and I'm doing just fine . . .

"Lately I love to drive
Into the countryside
The many ways that I've tried
To get things off my mind
But there's nothing by chance, indeed
And you need not wish me well
Just don't tell and I won't tell
Or sound the broken bell
On the last time I left
I locked doors and forgot the lines
Now I'm fading the blues
Drawing circles on classifieds
I'm twentysome and doing just fine
But I don't want this
I don't need this
I don't understand at all
I don't take time
I don't make time
I don't answer every call
And I don't feel right
I don't sleep tight
I don't love it like I should
Am I halfway gone?
You know I don't feel right
I don't sleep tight
I really don't love it like I should
But I'm halfway back to feelin good"
Grey Eye Glances, 'Halfway Back'