On Those Days When I Doubt All That Is In Me

These are some letters from dear audience members who have witnessed my show. I am truly blessed by all of you. And I post these for you, but more importantly, I post these letters as a reminder to myself that I have been given an extraordinary opportunity to affect change; to put into practice the words of Gandhi: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Thank you all for reminding me of this lesson.

Dear Mykee:

I am a studen at D. High School (NJ). You performed at my house school last week and let me just say that you are EXCELLENT. You may or may not remember me but I came up to you after your peformance and I remember telling you that "I saw myself in those characters up there because people make fun of me and I feel that gives me a right to make fun of other people and that isn't right." And that is when I began to cry. Mykee, I haven't cried since my grandfather passed away in third grade and I am now a junior. Mykee, you made me see a totally different side of this world. I am now currently reading One Child by Torey Hayden and I am only on Chapter 7 and I can not believe the story line, how accuarate things are. It's horrible, it really is. Mykee you truly are an inspiration to so many people in this world and in honor of you I am writing a poem because I write poetry and as soon as I feel it is ready I will be sending it to you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Mykee, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you,

Mykee,

I know you get this a lot, not just from the line of people waiting to hug you after your performance, but because you really did touch a lot of people in the audience: thank you. Watching you, a person gets the sense that you could make a character out of anybody because everyone has stories like that. You could have just as easily have played me, or the person next to me for all I know. Like so many people, I have felt alone for long periods of time even though I know I'm not a special case or that I am alone in feeling loneliness.

You probably don't remember me because there where so many people, but I went to Peck in Morristown for 7 years. I'm dyslexic, I'm a WASP, I'm a girl, a ice hockey player, and middle child among many things. In middle school I never really had close friends but I really became tormented in sixth grade. Boys where always cornering me, gross notebook paper porn dolls were even put in my desk and back pack, I was pushed down hills in the uniform shirt, girls would call me up at parties to let me know I wasn't invited,etc... Whenever my mom, dad, or I approached a teacher or head of school, we were always told "boys will be boys" and girls are naturally like that. (I'm a girl and I'm not like that)In seventh a teacher was trying to prove a point that the KKK want people in the world who are and blonde, have blue eyes, and are Protestant and it was quickly discovered that I was the only one with that description in the class. So to them, all of a sudden I was a member of the KKK never realizing I could help who I am as much as anyone else.

Even though I'm out of Peck now I'm still always labeled as the "Preppy WASP" which to me carries negative connotations of being snobby and exclusive. I go to Lawrenceville, so shouldn't everyone here be a prep? But apparently when they (the infamous THEY) talk about some one who's preppy, it only applies to those who are members of a yacht club. I'm a rich soiled brat? No. I actually sail competitively and I'm on financial aid here. Yes, I have had, and am very grateful for, a privileged life and great education but that doesn't make me any of those things I'm labeled as. (Not that I feel everyone should be overly PC) I love the line in the Breakfast Club where Claire says, "I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when someone steps all over them." I mean, People tell me all the time that I don't listen to "black music", but in my favorite band (Dave Matthew's Band) 3 of the 5 guys are black. How are they any less "Black" then Jay-Z? And when I name Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Toots & The Maytals, Desmond Dekker I'm told reggae isn't "black" enough. And apparently to these people Miles Davis and John Coltrane didn't make "black music" nor did Robert Johnson. And apparently, because I'm a white girl, Richard Wright can't be one of my favorite writers or Langston Hughes my favorite poet.

Plus, growing up, I always felt stupid because I had special English classes and tutors because of my dyslexia. Not being able to read and not having friends is not a fun combination. So all I really did was play hockey which lead to a whole other set of hurdles to overcome. Even though I know now that I'm smart, I can read (I'm on the editorial board of the school newspaper), I've made wonderful friends, and am the captain of the hockey team, all those years of feeling like crap are hard to let go of.

So I guess it's no surprise that I felt I really could relate to what you said and acted. I too befriended an enemy who became a good friend for years. I've been called names, been stereotyped, cried myself to sleep. But like your last character, I've been lucky to have people who cared: a dad who told me I could skate circles around the hockey boys, a mom to fight so I could go to school without being harassed, both who've sacrificed so my sisters and I can get the best education we can...which is why I was fortunate to be in the audience tonight. Thank you. Thank you.

hi dr.mykee-u performed at my skool 2day (Pond Road) and 1st i juss
wanted to tell u that u were amazing....even tho im not rly goin thro ne
problems, u still rly got thro to me and u totally touched me....also, i
just wanted to thank you with al my heart and soul becuz,.after ur
performence, my friend tlked to me.....she told me that i was the only 1
she could tell and she told me that she was seriuosly concidering
commitng suicide.....but, after ur performence, she totally saw that it wasnt
her last chance and she still had a whole lifetime to make things rite
again.......i want to thank you for that.....i also wanted to tell u
that......well, i dnt kno if this will sound rite and u mite think im a
lil crazy but im gonna say it ne wayz.....i totally think u were sent
her by god to tell these tales and let ppl kno that they still have a
chance......i think u were blessed by an angel.....an i hope u never ive
this up and keep saving ppls lives......becuz u certainly saved my
friends and possibly many others in the room today.....thankyou so
much.......
Emily

So how are you?

Winding down this long hard road.
Thinkin bout nothing and everything.
do they know
do they hear
the tears stream, never dry even when they've stopped
i move i breathe i speak but to who and of what
does it mean anything
at times I say yes and at times I know, no
but I keep moving if only in place
Wondering what it is like on the other side
I keep watch for the future
Knowing I must learn
Life keeps circling, waiting, hoping I jump
To a new life, a new way, a place where I don't just see, but feel
I don't just breathe, but experience
I don't just speak, but I am heard
What a day that will be
I anticipate its arrival and wait
Wait for my feet to fly

Love you,
T

Dear Mykee,

As an adult observer, I attended the Prejudice Awareness Summit in Richmond, VA in November 2004. You were the keynote speaker. You were fantastic! We adults in the cheap seats upstairs were laughing, crying, and were profoundly moved. Thank you for your message, and for keeping the tough stuff in.

I have a female-to-male transgender son. I guess now he is also transsexual, since he is taking testosterone and has had his breasts removed. This has been quite a challenge for our family.

Raising children includes a succession of smashed assumptions. We think our children will be smart, or athletic, or altruistic - whatever we value. We quickly discover that those were assumptions and that their personalities are their own. We assume they will go to college, get married. Sometime we realize those are assumptions too. Most of us don't realize that we are assuming our children are heterosexual. A few years ago we came to realize that for our firstborn, that had been an assumption.

So then we find out that we only assumed our first baby was a girl.

My son, now a freshman in college, wrote about his experience in his high school Personal Anthology. Attached is an edited version of what he wrote. I don't know if you have encountered trans teens; I suspect you have. I share it with you because you will understand. Few people do. And I share it because it is beautifully written and I am so proud of my son.

God bless you and the wonderful work you do.

Martha

Thank you all . . .
with love,
Mykee