so frustrated. i saw Hotel Rwanda last night. i am very frustrated and disturbed. disturbed because of man's inhumanity towards man. awful. people who believe that the clan to which you belong solely defines you as a person is so strange to me. the scent of this ignorance is offensive to the nostril of the He-and-She. i watched in this movie men hacking up little children with intentions of wiping out an entire race. i've thought that we've evolved from those silly, pre-historic, Biblical days. the days when entire nations were killed because "it was God's will."



I was just disturbed that we as human beings can place so little value on humanity. Awful.



I walked out of the theatre last night feeling much like the tee-shirt I saw today in Hot Topic: I'm losing faith in humanity one person at a time.



I was frustrated by the movie, because the black life is worthless to so many people across this world. no one did anything to save the Watutsi lives from being massacred by the Hutus. the UN -- silent. the great war waging USA -- silent. other nations, with one exception of a Belgium man, -- silent! I am so tired of my skin being Enemy number one, not worth the price of oil. I wonder if Rwanda had something of value for the American government would they not have become involved. Why are we, as Americans, only interested in helping if it serves our interest? Doesn't the bloodshed of innocent children reach us? I was so disturbed by a line in the movie last night. A white UN sergeant was trying to get this black hotel manager to understand what was happening. He told the hotel manager that there would be no help. When the hotel manager asked why the sergeant said, "Because you're black. You're not even a nigger. You're worse than a nigger. You're an African." I felt like weeping.



Why are blacks hated so much? I don't understand. There is a worldwide hatred of blacks. In prison, to be a part of the Aryan Brotherhood you have to kill a black inmate. In Chinese, they have a specific derogatory term for black, though blacks have not had much contact with the Chinese. And I'm not talking about American Chinese, I'm talking about over in China. I had a friend from Puerto Rico who was not allowed to date black people because her parents wanted her with a Puerto Rican. However, when I asked if her parents would mind if she dated someone white, she said 'no.' Then I asked her if she could date a black Puerto Rican, and again, she paused, and said, 'No. My parents think they are beneath me." Growing up, I saw myself abandoned by "friends" if I were too much in their world.



I watched in America how the Rwanda massacre was down-graded to tribal warring. How genocide turned into casualities of tribal warring. How we as a worldwide community abandoned the children! Yet, we are so vocal about remembering 9/11, so gunho about killing Iraqis, ridding the world of "that" evil dictator.



I was so angry at myself for not doing anything. Of being aware of the happenings in the Congo and never doing a thing about it. I want to strip myself away from myself. I want my life to be a testament. Death holds no fear to me. I want to pursue the healing of this world, without a care for my life. It's so much more difficult now, with a wife and child, but the scent has rang like sulfur in nostrils of our Creator. What do we wait for?