My friends:

I write this to you, because it would see that my life has been poisoned by the hands of one who has dedicated her life to evil. She is not evil, but her heart is dark like the black sand beaches of Hawaii. She is bent on my ruin, and yet, she is unaware of her malignancy; she is the embodiment of raining acid.

In recent years, my heart has grown bitter, deflated, and disheartened. I am in disbelief. Could it be? Is it true that some live, nay, that some thrive in this life only if others are suffering? Yes, it is true. It happens all the time. The more important question is: what do I do with this? How do I find peace, (and better yet), forgiveness and surrender in the midst of her focused depravity? I am at a loss. For words. For acceptance. Every turn I make, there she is, seething with plots of greed harvested within her soul.

I wish I could turn aside all that is her and all that is hers, but alas, I am more imprisoned than I can currently let on. What must I do?

When I wake there resides her presence in my thoughts; when I dream, (oh what dreams!), I am only temporarily comforted by the calamities that beset her path -- the ones that free me from her grips. But the 90 minutes of reprieve only last 90 minutes, and when I wake, my life is still here.

This morning my soul cried out, and my comfort was only found in my surrender. Perhaps this is it: abjure my delusive ideas of control; it is a desert mirage. Be the best when others are attacking you with their worst.

I am the sum of my actions and thoughts, and that's all that I have.

I am attaching a song with this blog, because this artist, Tania Alexandra, is not only a dear friend and soul, but this song has spoken to me time after time.


http://taniaalexandra.bandcamp.com/track/little-have-not