Educating Saskia

"When I was four years old
they tried to test my iq
they showed me this picture
of three oranges and a pear
they asked me
which one is different and does not belong?
they taught me different
is wrong." --
Ani DiFranco, 'My IQ'

After one of my performances, an English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher approached me, sharing some valuable information. She loved my show and it reminded her how we are taught from an early age. She noticed that in her classroom children have been taught from an early age that difference is wrong, is bad. She gave me this example. When we were in our youth teachers would give us an assignment: there are four objects on the page, three are similar, one is different. Find the one that is different, and then, CROSS IT OUT.

We were conditioned early on to notice difference and abandon it, cross it out, destroy it, ignore it. We weren't taught to put a smiley face next to it. We weren't taught to celebrate it. Uniqueness was questioned, forced to come to a hault.

I don't want to participate in this game with my daughter. I don't want her to have to re-educate later in life. I want her to get it now. And she does. I think all children get it early on; they just learn how to forget it or unlearn it. They are stripped away of their brilliance by teachers and parents and friends and antagonists.

My daughter has three baby dolls. They have no traditional names. I see them as two white baby dolls and one black baby doll. To Saskia, her three babies names are Blue, Pink, and Purple. These colors are the outfits her dolls wear. And so they are Saskia. So they are.

Tessin and I have been teaching Saskia our names and her name. Now, Saskia says: "Daddy is Michael Fowlin. Mommy is Tessin Bozard. I am Saskia Bozard-Fowlin." She asked the other day why Tessin and I have different names. I thought about this for a second. Tessin kept her last name when we got married, and I wanted to tell Saskia that was the reason why, but then, I reeducated myself. I answered Saskia in this manner: "Daddy and Mommy both chose to keep their own last names."

I know some of you will say 'what's the big deal?' It's slight, but I wanted Saskia to know that as a girl, as a woman, she doesn't need to take on a man's last name for identity; and just as importantly, the man should think about taking on her name, or both sharing a new name. I want her to know that she has choice in all these things. I want her to know that she has choice in all of Life's decisions. I want her to know that any person she chooses to be with, man or woman, must walk side by side on this path with her.