This is What a Feminist Looks Like
Last night when I went out I wore a tee-shirt with these words imprinted on the shirt:Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.
Aah, allow those words to sit for a while . . .
O.K. what were your initial thoughts? What does that tee-shirt mean? Are you laughing or nodding in agreement?
When I bought the shirt I only saw one meaning (the intended meaning) for that shirt: people who are fearful of feminism or feminists should realize that all we want is for women to be treated like people -- equal footing individually and equal footing in relationship to males. That's the intended meaning of the shirt. I didn't think it was too complex, but last night proved to be an fascinating, yet troubling, experience on gender.
I had stopped by this restaurant called, "The Sushi Lounge". It's in Morristown, NJ. Great restaurant and great atmosphere. I frequent there a couple times a week. In any case, while I was there, the bartender read my shirt and started laughing. Then he said, "You got big [guts]. Any guy who wears that shirt is basically saying, 'I don't want to [hook up] tonight'." Now, outside the fact that I'm married, I thought that was a peculiar response. I was intrigued. I asked him what he meant by that. He said that my shirt was insulting to women. This stunned me, because I thought that I had read the shirt incorrectly. So, I proceeded to show my shirt to some women who were at this restaurant. Needless to say, their response was quite different from the bartender's. They were impressed that a guy would "get it." I explained the shirt to the bartender and he had an "aah, ha" reaction. Then he gave me thumbs up, but I'm only vaguely clued in as to what he meant by that gesture.
In any case, a thought hit me: do men, in general, read that shirt differently than women? If so, what can one learn about gender? And more importantly, does the interpretation of the shirt have any specific implications concerning how men treat women? I decided to commence upon a social litmus test, a gender experiment, if you will. I needed to know if these men at the Sushi Lounge were the exception or an overwhelming majority.
I was overpowered by the data. Every man that I questioned both at the Sushi Lounge and Famished Frog (another wonderful restaurant/bar) had a similar response to the bartender: they laughed and patted me on the back for having big . . . ummm . . . guts. I guess I shouldn't be floored, but I was. I realize that for the most part I operate out of my complete self, the masculine and the feminine, and more interestingly, most guys saw my shirt as an insult because they think that women are treated equally to men. Are you kidding me? I mean, o.k., I know the way guys think. I've been around them long enough to understand the mentality, but maybe I just didn't believe that the ignorance could be that severe.
Almost exclusively, the women I surveyed about my shirt, Got It. There were a couple of exceptions, and I have my theory of why they didn't get it. I don't think those women were evolved enough to see it, to understand the oppression of the system on women. One of the women who didn't get it has a rather illustrious reputation of promiscuity, of catering to the whims of awful guys. In my opinion, her eyes have not been opened. Men want nothing to do with her beyond a drunken night of ribald behavior. The other woman who didn't get it is a peripheral friend of mine. I think two factors played into her lack of understanding: 1.) she had been drinking for a long time and 2.) she stated how much she misses the idea of gender roles, of women and men knowing their place. She felt that in today's time this wonderful relationship between men and women was lost. However, she did concede that her former husband had believed in this old system, and coincidentally was abusive in his interactions with her, believing that she wasn't fulfilling her duties as a woman.
When I explained my shirt to both women, not only did they finally get it, but they liked it, almost with an embarrassment (perhaps with shame at not getting it), but they liked it.
I've been accused of being a sensitive guy, and always took that as a complimentary joke, but last night highlighted something that was more jarring than I ever thought: I don't think like the majority of males. On one level, that's comforting, but on another level, it certainly does not add to my feelings of connectivity with males. I am on a small island. I am a heterosexual male who thinks like a minority of sensitive guys, and perhaps, a majority of gay men.
Now, in all fairness, I think some of these guys would have understood my t-shirt a little more had I been a crew-cut, gender-bending, female. I think they would have gotten it . . . to an extent. They would have understood that it is not a joke, but some of these guys would have muttered such highly sophisticated statements as, "Feminist, lesbo dyke!" And then we'd be back at square one: THEY REALLY DIDN'T GET IT.
Oh, we have so many miles to go before we sleep . . . but I don't feel defeated. Education took place last night. Thought was triggered -- in restaurants and bars, nonetheless. It's a shame that we have to have words such as feminist and feminism to connote a state of being that should always be. I suppose religion and physical strength is much to blame for this absurdity, but the three largest religions all started off with the same understanding: And God created male and female. In God's image, God created them.
And that, my friend, is true masculinity and feminism at its best.
O.K. what were your initial thoughts? What does that tee-shirt mean? Are you laughing or nodding in agreement?
When I bought the shirt I only saw one meaning (the intended meaning) for that shirt: people who are fearful of feminism or feminists should realize that all we want is for women to be treated like people -- equal footing individually and equal footing in relationship to males. That's the intended meaning of the shirt. I didn't think it was too complex, but last night proved to be an fascinating, yet troubling, experience on gender.
I had stopped by this restaurant called, "The Sushi Lounge". It's in Morristown, NJ. Great restaurant and great atmosphere. I frequent there a couple times a week. In any case, while I was there, the bartender read my shirt and started laughing. Then he said, "You got big [guts]. Any guy who wears that shirt is basically saying, 'I don't want to [hook up] tonight'." Now, outside the fact that I'm married, I thought that was a peculiar response. I was intrigued. I asked him what he meant by that. He said that my shirt was insulting to women. This stunned me, because I thought that I had read the shirt incorrectly. So, I proceeded to show my shirt to some women who were at this restaurant. Needless to say, their response was quite different from the bartender's. They were impressed that a guy would "get it." I explained the shirt to the bartender and he had an "aah, ha" reaction. Then he gave me thumbs up, but I'm only vaguely clued in as to what he meant by that gesture.
In any case, a thought hit me: do men, in general, read that shirt differently than women? If so, what can one learn about gender? And more importantly, does the interpretation of the shirt have any specific implications concerning how men treat women? I decided to commence upon a social litmus test, a gender experiment, if you will. I needed to know if these men at the Sushi Lounge were the exception or an overwhelming majority.
I was overpowered by the data. Every man that I questioned both at the Sushi Lounge and Famished Frog (another wonderful restaurant/bar) had a similar response to the bartender: they laughed and patted me on the back for having big . . . ummm . . . guts. I guess I shouldn't be floored, but I was. I realize that for the most part I operate out of my complete self, the masculine and the feminine, and more interestingly, most guys saw my shirt as an insult because they think that women are treated equally to men. Are you kidding me? I mean, o.k., I know the way guys think. I've been around them long enough to understand the mentality, but maybe I just didn't believe that the ignorance could be that severe.
Almost exclusively, the women I surveyed about my shirt, Got It. There were a couple of exceptions, and I have my theory of why they didn't get it. I don't think those women were evolved enough to see it, to understand the oppression of the system on women. One of the women who didn't get it has a rather illustrious reputation of promiscuity, of catering to the whims of awful guys. In my opinion, her eyes have not been opened. Men want nothing to do with her beyond a drunken night of ribald behavior. The other woman who didn't get it is a peripheral friend of mine. I think two factors played into her lack of understanding: 1.) she had been drinking for a long time and 2.) she stated how much she misses the idea of gender roles, of women and men knowing their place. She felt that in today's time this wonderful relationship between men and women was lost. However, she did concede that her former husband had believed in this old system, and coincidentally was abusive in his interactions with her, believing that she wasn't fulfilling her duties as a woman.
When I explained my shirt to both women, not only did they finally get it, but they liked it, almost with an embarrassment (perhaps with shame at not getting it), but they liked it.
I've been accused of being a sensitive guy, and always took that as a complimentary joke, but last night highlighted something that was more jarring than I ever thought: I don't think like the majority of males. On one level, that's comforting, but on another level, it certainly does not add to my feelings of connectivity with males. I am on a small island. I am a heterosexual male who thinks like a minority of sensitive guys, and perhaps, a majority of gay men.
Now, in all fairness, I think some of these guys would have understood my t-shirt a little more had I been a crew-cut, gender-bending, female. I think they would have gotten it . . . to an extent. They would have understood that it is not a joke, but some of these guys would have muttered such highly sophisticated statements as, "Feminist, lesbo dyke!" And then we'd be back at square one: THEY REALLY DIDN'T GET IT.
Oh, we have so many miles to go before we sleep . . . but I don't feel defeated. Education took place last night. Thought was triggered -- in restaurants and bars, nonetheless. It's a shame that we have to have words such as feminist and feminism to connote a state of being that should always be. I suppose religion and physical strength is much to blame for this absurdity, but the three largest religions all started off with the same understanding: And God created male and female. In God's image, God created them.
And that, my friend, is true masculinity and feminism at its best.
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