"I got somethin' to say, and I thought it might be worth to mention. If you're not pissed off at the world, then you're just not paying attention." -- Kasey Chambers



Last night I was at a camp doing a performance for campers and staff who ranged in age from 11 to adulthood. I was deeply moved by the power of my show. I don't know what to think. I certainly did not create what it has become. I fear I am not worthy enough to create such beauty. Indeed, I am only the vessel for these miracles. I am deeply moved.



There was a girl who approached me last night . . . she was probably 14. She is going to be a freshman in high school this fall. She went on to tell me some painful stories about her reputation being tarnished by the boys in her school because of one indiscretion. She spoke about boys taking advantage of her. She spoke about feeling powerless. I listened to this girl talk in detail about what she's done with other boys, and my heart broke. I was upset at the whole system of power. Upset at males and how we often make our lives invested in making others feel abused. How being a heterosexual man is frequently quantified by how many girls or women you've been with. How being a homosexual man is qualified by a similar barometer. How many girls after being victimized seek to re-create future encounters, because it gives them a sense of self, albeit a fickle one. I listened to this girl tell me that she performed oral sex with this boy in her grade, and it nearly ruined her social reputation; yet, after that incident she has repeated that act with three other boys in her school, because as she put: "I thought I had to. They wouldn't leave me alone until I did it to all three of them."



I wish that I could save them all. I think about my daughter, Saskia, and how innocent she is at 3 weeks. I wonder who she'll be when she is 14. I know I cannot protect her from all of this world's ills. My parents could never protect me. I was involved with things at age 10 that I should not have known about. I am stronger because of them, but I don't think it was the only way to go . . .



I am aware that Saskia will make tons of mistakes (I hope so). I just hope that through those mistakes she learns how to respond differently . . . better than before. What made me sad last night about that girl was that I am not convinced that she will seek to make more conscientious decisions. I encouraged her to be active in her choices, to realize that she is not powerless. I challenged her to be proactive concerning her decisions to "fool around" with some boy. I hope for the best. I fear the worst.



A friend of mine who is a counselor at that camp asked me if I was working on sainthood because of all the lives I touch. Interesting. I thought about that. Sainthood? No, I'm still working on Humanhood . . .